Note: I know that most of these quotes are by me. This isn't an ego thing. I usually add an entry to the quotes file whenever somebody says something exceptionally stupid-sounding, especially when taken out of context.

I say a lot of really stupid stuff.

"Uhm, is she the reason we can't have pliers?"
- Adam Schumacher

"I wouldn't throw things at me. They tend to get run over by cars."
- Adam Schumacher

"I only know them well enough to ask them to perform sexual acts on video... I don't know their ages or anything."
- Adam Schumacher

"I'm not drawing a duck's balls!"
- Jay Cole

"Now let's say, hypothetically, that you weren't trying to bullshit me..."
- Adam Schumacher

"You know, for someone who works for them, you have a decided interest in seeing them blow up."
- Adam Schumacher

"The forces of the universe are aligning against me. I was not meant to talk to you. Oh well. Take that, universe!"
- Adam Schumacher

"Okay, so if you hear an unexpected penis, you'll know what to do."
- Adam Schumacher

"If you can't divide something by zero, you've got problems."
- Adam Schumacher

Adam: "You don't even get to try the red pill."
Ian: "Yeah, there's a blue pill, and a slightly bluer pill."
- Adam Schumacher and Ian Marcinkowski

"Just close the drapes and do it, damnit!"
- Adam Schumacher

"What the fuck! Why do I keep blowing up?"
- Ben Tompkins

"Well, I guess technically they are individual people..."
- Adam Schumacher

"Give me the SPAM... Alright, let's get him!"
- Jamie Bothen

"Just, don't go getting paranoid... last time that happened, I dropped two courses."
- Adam Schumacher

"We're sorry, the number you have dialed cannot be reached because you're an idiot and your brother is on the phone."
- Adam Schumacher

"Aww, I dropped a Skittle."
- Jerry Knight

Following a lengthy explaination by Arjen about WINS and DNS, and why Microsoft has abandoned WINS in Windows 2000:
"Hmm. It didn't say that in the book."
- Chris

"It's a dark, dirty, vicious world, and you have to use your penis wherever you can."
- Mike Hall

"If I stuck my hand inside a wall and landed in a puddle of goo, I'd kinda freak out."
- Adam Schumacher

"Ahhh! The one-eyed crack monkey is coming to get me!"
- Catherine Byron

"He was vomiting before I started drinking..."
- Allanna Darling

"Does she like little Italian guys?"
- Tony Romano

"Just because I don't want to see her naked, doesn't mean I want to see her dead."
- Adam Schumacher

"We have rights too! We need more gay teddy bears!"
- Joel McMillan

"Mmm... Sex, drugs, and alcohol.... ooooh yeah..."
- Adam Schumacher

"The Internet leads to good sex."
- Melanie Bobowski

"I'm a pacifist wannabe. I just can't stop lighting people on fire!"
- Allanna Darling

"I haven't played with a used condom in 80,000,000,000 years! It's not just fun, it's a hobby!"
- Allanna Darling

"Okay hon, you're not Bruce Lee, no matter how much you've had to drink."
- Allanna Darling

"Every morning I'd have a smoke, and then I'd go take a dump... and it was nice. Yeah, pinchin' a loaf."
- Gwen Darling

"I was a gimp, but I still tried. That's the difference between me as a kid and me as an adult... now I just try less."
- Allanna Darling

"Food now, pants later."
- Allanna Darling

"It's not a glory hole, Adam, it's for ventilation."
- Allanna Darling